Signature Schizophrenia

For the past 12 months since I officially became a missus, I’ve been having a case of signature schizophrenia –it’s what I call when a new wife signs her name differently in various documents. Before I got married, and even before the prospect of marriage came about, I already considered maintaining my maiden name. It was in fact my civil right. According to Article 370 of Republic Act 386:

A married woman may use: (1) Her maiden first name and surname and add her husband's surname, or (2) Her maiden first name and her husband's surname or (3) Her husband's full name, but prefixing a word indicating that she is his wife, such as "Mrs."

Note: There have been bills in Senate and the Lower House amending this Article in the Civil Code to add that a married woman may use HER MAIDEN FIRST NAME AND SURNAME.

Here are more excerpts from the Supreme Court website:

Marriage does not change a woman's name. It merely changes her civil status. Her true and real name is that given to her and entered in the Civil Registry which she may continue to use despite her marriage or cessation of marriage for whatever reason she may have (Herrera, Remedial Law, 1996 Ed. III-A, p. 338, citing Yasin v. Judge, Shari'a District Court, 241 SCRA 606 (1995)

Under the present article of our Code, however, the word "may" is used, indicating that the use of the husband's surname by the wife is permissive rather than obligatory. We have no law which provides that the wife shall change her name to that of the husband upon marriage. This in is consonance with the principle that surnames indicate descent. It seems, therefore, that a married woman may use only her maiden name and surname. She has an option, but not a duty, to use the surname of the husband in any of the ways provided by this Article." (Tolentino, Civil Code of the Philippines, Commentaries and Jurisprudence, 1990, Vol. I, p. 675.)

I’ve always liked my initials V.V. and though it’s often misread as Virginia, Virgilino, or worse Virgilio, I knew that my name had a certain ring to it – Virgilind Villanueva. It’s unique. It rolls out your tongue just right. It sounds strong. It’s got character. And being a fan of feminism, the rules stated above were very close to my heart.

However, forgive me for abandoning such girl power principles for the sake of LOVE. I decided to carry my husband’s surname not because I was a ditzy submissive Stepford wife but because I realized that if we were to be one family then it’s just logical to share a family name, right? So I became Mrs. Virgilind Palarca. It doesn’t have as much impact as my maiden name but I figured it’s the closest I can get to having the word PALANCA (the prestigious literary award) next to my name. I may not be a Palanca Winner but I own a Palarca wei- oh, I mean I am a Palarca wife. (wink wink!)

But changing my name didn’t come easy for me. It was something I always took a rain check on. The first legal document that I was forced to update was my passport. It made sense. Imagine a few years from now when we finally have kids and we’d be traveling abroad. Imagine the hassle at the immigration if my surname had to be different from my husband and kids. So since my passport was due for renewal anyway, I might as well update that first. Then soon after, I was applying for credit cards, internet, phone, and cable services under my new married name because I had the passport and marriage certificate as proof of identification.

However, most of my bank accounts and my BIR and SSS info still carried my maiden name. So for many months I was signing some documents with my new handwritten signature as Virgilind Palarca. And then for writing checks, I was signing in my old name. For some reason, my clients even after I got married kept making checks for me in my maiden name. To avoid confusion I just decided to let them be.

But it eventually came to a point when it became confusing… And then we also had to finally come face to face with making our very first bank loan as husband and wife. The credit investigators wanted to see how much money we got together as a couple. (Joint accounts, that’s another blog altogether!) So this afternoon, finally after a year and a month of being married, I had all my bank accounts updated to my new surname. And now my husband can also sign our checks in our behalf.

So there, I am finally JUST Virgilind Palarca. Please start writing all pending talent fee checks to that name please. :-)

Is your Marriage Sex-Starved?

In the light of the Haydengate scandal, I can’t help but be amazed about how the idea of sex, private or public piques our national interest. But since we’re on the topic already, let’s talk about married sex instead.

If there’s anything we married couples or you soon-to-be-hitched people can learn from those videos, it’s this: VARIETY! Unfortunately Mr. Kho even in his perverse vanity to film and flaunt his so-called skills (or basically the lack thereof) failed to impress us. Shame on him and double shame on those who thought it was hot. It was not – for several reasons! One – it being a grave violation of those girls’ rights to privacy and two – HK was a perfect example of a lousy lover. So husbands please do not copy such mediocre bedroom antics! Your wives deserve much better, and yes that includes most importantly her being on top.

Contrary to popular belief, married sex should not become boring. In fact, the kink meter should be rising and not the other way around. Married sex should grow more secure allowing spouses to be more comfortable with each other, which then gives more room for creativity. Unfortunately, a lot of couples are enduring sex-starved marriages nowadays. There are a lot of factors to this… new babies… growing kids… a small house… in-laws at home… and even the increasing trend of couples having unmatched time zones courtesy of their call center jobs.

Do you think you are in a sex-starved marriage? Ask yourself some QUESTIONS.

Spouses you are obliged to regular dates in the sack with your partner. The Bible commands that:

"The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not rule over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not rule over his own body, but the wife does. Do not refuse one another [except perhaps by agreement for a season, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, lest Satan tempt you through lack of self-control." -- 1 Cor 7:3-5

So what are you waiting for? Grab your sweetie (and by that I mean your spouse) and spring to the bedroom now. And oh, no Careless Whispers please!

When Spouses get their Dream Homes...

Now this is what happens when a married couple finally gets their DREAM home with each of the spouses getting their DREAM CLOSETS! Check it out...

Will Hats be Hot Again?

I’m actually in the middle of digitizing all our yellowed pictures peeled off from our disintegrating photo albums and so I found a few vintage snapshots from my parent’s wedding in 1978. Her bridesmaids wore hats. I believe it was big trend back then. I found this website filled with photos of vintage bridesmaids from the 1900s to the 1990s. Hats sure found their way on the heads of the bridesmaids during the '70s. I wonder if this style will ever catch on again. Fashion just goes around in circles anyway so I won’t be surprised if bridesmaids in the coming years or maybe even sooner will be fashionably hot in hats again.

Get REAL Premarital Counseling

Getting a Marriage License here in the Philippines (for Filipinos) is fairly easy, unless there are discrepancies. All you have to do is present these documents:

• NSO certified Birth Certificates. Just call the NSO Hotline (632) 737-111
• Parental Consent (for minors) and Parental Advice for (for 21-25 yrs old), but it depends on how strict your municipality is.
• CENOMAR or Certificate of No Marriage which you can get from NSO as well. This one’s tricky. Not all cities require this. QC didn’t ask us while I know Makati does. So ask your city hall first before procuring because this actually takes some time. Spare yourself from the added cost and leg work.
• Certificate of Attendance in Premarital Counseling and Family Planning Seminar conducted by the Division of Maternal and Child Health at the Municipal/City Hall in the same municipality. This by far is the most awful and useless requirement among the rest. I heard a lot of horror stories about it saying that it’s usually packed with people from all walks of life. You’re there and yet you can hardly hear or understand the speaker. Maybe the speaker doesn’t care and you look around and see that they just want to get this thing done and over with. Couples just attend for the sake of getting the document. It’s crappy. It’s just so bureaucratic.

Thank God I didn’t have to go through that. My husband and I had our own Premarital Counseling and we just simply showed the clerk our Pastor’s certification, and we were spared from attending such worthless engagement.

This certificate, I think above all the requirements mentioned in the list, should be taken with more concern. For Catholic Weddings, some parishes actually give one-day seminars and stay-in-weekends like Discovery Weekend (DW) or the Catholic Engaged Encounter (CEE). While these are helpful I still personally believe that every couple should go through a REAL Premarital Counseling Session that should run on a long-term calendar. A day or a weekend just won’t suffice. Believe me, there’s a LOT to discover.

It all depends on the engagement date actually. If you got engaged this month and plan to marry next year then I highly and sincerely suggest that you should go into a Year-Long Premarital Counseling. In fact, it should be a very important part of the Wedding Plans. Now I’m not sure if priests can accommodate so I suggest you go find a non-secular counselor. Don’t go to shrinks please. Find a spiritual adviser. Even if you’re Catholic you can still seek some premarital counseling from Pastors. Better if he’s recommended by someone you know. And to make you more comfortable, you might prefer a pastor who’s from a non-denominational church like Christ's Commission Fellowship or Victory Christian Fellowship.

But if you want my personal recommendation, we had our long-term session with this cool and very smart Pastor named Nicky Joya and his wife Sally. We can’t thank them enough for their friendship and the way they ministered to us when all the crises in our wedding plans were overwhelming us.

Coordinators slash Crisis Managers

Let’s admit it, there aren’t any PERFECT weddings. It will always have a glitch, small, big or just freakingly ginormous! But don't sweat it. Other than not having your bride or groom showing up at the altar, every other planning hiccup will not kill you. Just look at it on the bright side. At least you got a swell story to tell to your grandchildren or you can earn a few bucks by telling it on national television just like me. Hehehe.

Last night I went to tape an episode (again) on QTV 11’s The Sweet Life. The topic was about Dream Weddings that turned into nightmares. The Bride without the Bouquet – that was my story. On the panel were two other guests – a lawyer whose Cebu wedding was in more disarray than mine and Celia Cunanan of the Social Connection, Founding Member and Chairperson of the Philippine Association of Wedding Planners.

I had a lovely chat with the seasoned wedding planner backstage and learned a lot about the business. I liked what she told me – A good wedding coordinator is not just organized, she’s a Crisis Manager. That’s absolutely true. I realized that the only reason why I broke in hives during my wedding was because my OTD wedding coordinator told me about my missing bouquet. Looking back, if I had just been clueless about it then I would not have been stressed out. A good wedding coordinator would always protect the bride, ESPECIALLY on the wedding day itself. Good crisis management is to look for solutions with the least commotion possible. To be fair to my OTD coordinator, she was just a friend who offered to help and reacted probably on panic. In times like these, you need someone totally unattached to the whole situation.

So to all brides-to-be when shopping for a wedding coordinator or when you’re ditching this professional service and rely instead on your families and friends, make sure to tell them that on your wedding day, the rule is: Spare me the Stress!

Bouquet Toss: Bucks or Bust

When I was single lady attending weddings, I used to hate being dragged into the circle for the much-dreaded bridal bouquet toss, but I always went along anyway. Of course, your attitude towards such mushy traditions makes a complete turn when it’s finally your turn to be the bride. I still have a LOT of single female friends, and mind you most of them even hate this tradition more than I ever did. So on my wedding, knowing that I could not in any way force these women into the limelight, my groom and I just decided to rig the supposedly bouquet lottery. The victim was my divorced 40-something aunt who was cool and sassy enough for the game. It actually became the most fun part of the reception party.

Bridal bouquet toss – either you hate it or love it! Most brides are sensitive enough to alter the procedures and decide instead to either have a lottery or something like a Pass-the Bouquet game. Either way, there’s still a big chance that you might get a very unwilling single gal. I heard some horrible stories like the girl literally walking out of the party after the bouquet has landed on her. Now that was just completely rude! After stuffing her mouth with a 400+ per plate buffet meal, the nerve of her to that, right?

Now single ladies, I’ve been there. I know how utterly embarrassing it is to be depicted as someone who’s desperate to be the next in line. We know that it’s not true, or even if it is and we are in denial, the least we could do is to be cordial to the couple. Think of karma, even if you don’t plan to get married. I’m sure you’ll have more embarrassing experiences than this so don’t sweat it. If you didn’t get the couple a gift off their registry list at Rustans then the bigger reason why you should be there. Hmph! (Am I speaking from experience? Hahaha!)

But anyway, if you’re planning to take a different route on this bridal bouquet toss thingie, let me suggest these alternatives or perks…

You can ditch the game altogether and just have a Bouquet Ceremony by honoring some special people:

• Parents
• Longest Married Couple
  
• Furthest Traveled Guest
  

But if you really want some riot on the floor, exploit the economic recession and DANGLE A PRIZE!

• You can do a traditional toss and whoever catches it gets some bucks!...
• Or you can have a flower pabitin and there are prizes attached to the stems…
• Or if you have a hunky and handsome male celebrity friend, ask him to be “the prize” as his wedding gift to you! He gets to put on the garter on the lucky lady. Hey I don’t know any girl who’ll refuse John Lloyd touching her leg.

Whatever the idea is… Just make sure that it involves more than just the “privilege” of being crowned the next bride. A day at the spa… a gift certificate… hmmm John Lloyd.

Personalize a Favorite Song for your Wedding

(click the image to enlarge)

You don’t have to be a real song writer to compose a wedding serenade for your sweetheart. Take for example Dave here who just re-wrote the lyrics of Stephen Bishop’s “It Might Be You” with words that fit their love story more. The title then became "Grateful It's You". Dave and Myma were together and remained pure for 12 years! That definitely makes this wedding something to be grateful for. In this world where morals are ironically endangered and in most societies already extinct, this Christian couple's belief that True Love Waits is indeed a beautiful testimony of God’s faithfulness.

When should Brides wear Flats?

I envy the bride in the recent wedding that I attended because she was perfectly comfortable in strappy flat sandals the whole time. Being “vertically challenged” you can hardly find me wearing them. But flat shoes on your wedding day? Is this appropriate? Generally, heels are preferred because a wedding is supposed to be a formal occasion and bridal shoes are almost always either studded or laced – glamorized! So when can brides get away with wearing flats on their big day? I personally think there are only three situations when you are “allowed” to do this…

1. When the bride is taller than the groom…
2. When it’s a beach wedding…
3. When your podiatrist tells you so…

Other than that, I think a bride should wear shoes that add sexiness and dazzle to her. If you’re the everyday-flats-girl type, then all the more you should wear heels on your wedding day. It doesn’t have to be a 3-incher! Dainty kitten heels would do if you really must insist.

If you plan to wear flat shoes on your wedding day, consider these…

1. Get the shoes first then design the dress around it because unfortunately the designs for wedding flats are quite limited. So either buy your shoes ahead or have it custom-made to match with your dress if you already got something to wear.
2. If your flat shoes aren’t THAT fabulous, maybe you’d be more comfortable having a dress that’s long enough to hide them.
3. You can push the envelope by actually wearing stylized canvass sneakers and be a funky bride.

Lord of the Rings wedding

Who says you can’t have a themed wedding in the Philippines? My former college orgmates Lorie and Nathan, Literature teachers at UP Diliman at the time of their wedding, are big Tolkien fans. So one fine day in May 2004, the UP Lagoon turned into Middle Earth for the wedding of Arwen and Aragorn AKA Lorie and Nathan. No details were spared in this wedding. Even the priest went along with the theme. Next year another orgmate of mine is set to have the grandest Star Wars wedding ever to be staged in the Philippines. We’ll wait for that to happen. For now, be inspired with this Lord of the Rings nuptials. Check out photos taken by fellow orgmate Auey Santos. Click HERE.

Recipe Book as Wedding Souvenir

When a chef marries a writer expect a delicious story! Kenneth and Donna Flavier fell in love over food, so what better way to factor in this detail than putting together a special Recipe Book as their wedding souvenir? Donna cleverly wrote the story of their romance using Kenneth’s personal recipes, and they came out with this beautiful and mouth-watering recipe book slash romance novelette.

To view the pages of Kenneth and Donna's "Nourish with Love" cookbook souvenir, click HERE

Cupcakes for your Wedding

I'm cupcake baker myself but on my wedding day as much as I would have wanted to make it more personalized by baking my own cuppies, I delegated that task to Yummy Piece of Cake. Why her? Well, the baker Yumi Castrillo was influential in my pastry pursuits. The first ever cupcake recipe I have ever tried to make was the one she shared on Yummy Magazine two years ago... and since then I've been making cupcakes for families and friends.I have yet to cater to weddings though so for now here's my personal recommendation.



Yummy Piece of Cake has two wedding packages:

Package A with 100 assorted classic flavor cupcakes
Use of tower with floral set-up
No delivery charge within Metro Manila


Package B with 200 assorted classic or premium flavor cupcakes
Use of tower with floral set-up
No delivery charge within Metro Manila
6" tall 3-layer wedding cutting cake

In 2008, we got Package B for about P12,000+

Email Yumi Castrillo for updated prices on the packages and additional items.
Text or call +63 917 7880996 or +63 917 8054063.

Chic Dresses for Wedding Ninangs

Whoever said that female principal sponsors should only wear "matronly" gowns during the wedding? Ninangs can be chic and pretty with short skirt dresses and halter tops too.



Chocolate Brown & Cotton Candy Pink Themed Dresses were custom-made by:
Raquel's Apparel
Door 1 LUA Bldg, JP Laurel St. corner Quirino Avenue
Davao City, Philippines
63+82 3051872

Petronas Twin Towers Wedding Cake

Two tall towers joined in the middle... Two fortresses bridged together... They all sound like metaphors in a poem but indeed, there's no denying that the KL Petronas Twin Towers symbolized Charles and Jojay's love in more ways than one.

To put it simply, they met and fell in love right in this Malaysian landmark. It's funny how fate brought them together. Charles and Jojay have casually known each other back in Cagayan de Oro, Philippines since 1996. It wasn't 'til a little over 10 years later that God made a way for the love story to commence. She was on a sabbatical from "love" and other things... while he was carving his career. They bumped into each other at the long early morning queue to the Skybridge. And the rest we should say is a fairy tale with a happy ending.

Because the building really figured out in their story, it just had to be included in the wedding. How? Scale it down for the wedding cake. Charles and Jojay scoured Cagayan de Oro for a willing baker to fullfill their sweet tooth fantasy. They got a lot of refusals until Chef Ed Dychauco of Pots n Pans braved the challenge.


Pots n Pans
Hayes-Velez Streets
Cagayan de Oro City,
Philippines 63+905 4276063

Look Natural on your Wedding Day

Jasmine Mendiola is what you would call a Jack-of-all-trades-master-of-EVERYTHING! She’s certainly gone a long way from the first time I met her when she came in as my subject for a make-over episode on MTV Fashionista ages ago. Now… she’s grown up from being that fresh-faced Atenean kolehiyala to sought-after Make-Up Maven.

She’s come a long way from doing make-overs and demos at Beauty Bar. Her stint at Summit Magazines definitely sharpened her natural eye for beauty and style. Today she doesn’t just do make-up. She gives style coaching, make-up lessons, and you can even hire her as the wedding host too. She’s best known for her natural-look make-up whether in fashion editorials and among brides.

Check out more of her beautiful brides, fashion editorial works, and styled celebrities on this site:
Studio Blush, Inc.

Dotie Diaz Designs Bridal Fashion Package @ 48K

Dotie Diaz is a true-blue fashionista! A graduate of BS Clothing Technology from UP Diliman, Dotie officially entered the fashion world through Levis. Armed with knowledge on textiles and trained in the cutthroat retail industry, she eventually ventured into her own brand of pop clothing called The Store with No Name. As the name suggests, their brand is all about being NOT a brand. Her store was one of the first ever to introduce the customization counter concept. One could choose from the wide selection of apparel from the store’s racks and have it personalized by one of the shop’s in-house stylists. Customers could choose from a candy-store like variety of appliqués, buttons, patches, paint designs and whatever your high fashion mind can create. TSWNN has unfortunately already closed shop but ‘til now fans and loyal customers still cherish colorful memories about this one of a kind fashion store.

Today… Dotie, the creative genius behind TSWNN is making her mark in the Bridal Fashion world. Her wedding gowns style spell nothing but classic femininity – slim silhouettes in shift, a-line and princess cuts; fishtails and court trains.


Her Bridal Fashion Package is only 48,000.00 and it includes the following pieces…

• 1 Bridal Gown
• 2 Mothers’ Gowns
• 1 Maid of Honor Gown
• 3 Secondary Sponsors’ Gowns
• 1 Flower Girl Dress

With Additional Accessories:

• Pouch bags for all entourage members and a customized clutch for the bride
• Pillows for rings and arrhae
• Customized Cord
• Secondary Veil
• Garter

Check out her designs on her Dotie Diaz Designs Multiply Site

A Promising Place for Pre-Nups

If you're scouting for a "promising" place for your pre-nup pictorial in Davao City, try the Gap Farming Orchard Resort in Maa. The idyllic spot to capture those loving gazes would be at the Land of Promise slope. With the giant word "Promise" in the background, what could be more romantic than that?

The couple in the photos are Onin & Jel Servano who got married last December 2008. Photography by Mayen Lozada (63+905 3157170)



The Gap Farming Orchard Resort
Green Meadow, Maa, Davao City
Tel Nos. 244-0156/221-2495

This Blog is all about LOVE

Hi to all sweethearts and spouses out there!

This blog is all about you and everything you need to live out the LOVE in your relationships. I'm just a year-old-wife and just like you, I will do anything to put my heart and soul into this commitment. My husband and I still have a lot to learn and unlearn as we drive down this unpredictable road of marriage. We would like to share that and also be inspired by people around us as well.

That said, I (and maybe on some occasions, my husband) will be writing about not just our own wedding and marriage but most importantly about other couples’ experiences in tying the knot and building the nest. Here you will read about ordinary people with extraordinary love stories, wedding resources, dating spots in the city, honeymoon havens, movie & book reviews on relationships, issues on married life, living together, and everything else in between.

So whether you just got engaged or in the middle of your marriage, or still dreaming and praying about it, my husband and I hope that this site will be a hope chest of sorts and most of all a helpful source for anything you need to know about Being One for the rest of your life.